Most parents today are navigating a world they never grew up in — a world where artificial intelligence isn’t a distant idea but a constant presence. AI reads bedtime stories, recommends what families watch, helps with homework, filters the internet, sorts photos, answers questions, and even shapes how kids see themselves.
The New York Times article “I’m an A.I. Developer. Here’s How I’m Raising My Son” shares one developer’s attempt to raise a child thoughtfully in a world where AI is everywhere. But the issues raised go much further — touching on psychology, ethics, education, family culture, and the future of childhood itself.
This expanded article breaks down the deeper challenges families face today, what many parents don’t yet realize, and how to raise children with both technological literacy and strong human values.
The Biggest Shift in Parenting Since the Internet
Parents used to worry about:
- screen time
- online strangers
- social media pressure
- video game addiction
All still important — but AI adds a new layer:
AI isn’t just content. It’s a participant.
It interacts. It adapts. It personalizes.
It talks back.
Children are encountering tech that behaves like:
- a friend
- a teacher
- a coach
- a babysitter
- an entertainer
- a problem-solver
This changes how children think, learn, communicate, and build confidence.
What AI Developers Understand That Most Parents Don’t
The perspective of an AI developer raising a child highlights several critical ideas:
1. AI Is a Tool — Not a Parent, Not a Friend, Not a Moral Guide
It can imitate empathy.
It can generate soothing phrases.
It can sound like a companion.
But it does not feel, care, or understand.
Developers know this.
Children do not.
Kids can easily assume AI is:
- “alive”
- “smart”
- “loving”
- “helping because it cares”
Parents must clarify the difference early.
2. Kids Learn Through Struggle — AI Removes Too Much of It
AI can:
- solve math
- write essays
- fix grammar
- explain concepts
- debug code
But struggle builds:
- grit
- confidence
- problem-solving
- patience
- creativity
- self-belief
If AI always gives the answer, children lose the chance to become thinkers — not just consumers of solutions.
3. AI Shapes Worldviews Quietly
AI systems influence:
- what kids ask
- how they phrase questions
- what they believe is “correct”
- what they think is important
- what vocabulary they use
- what emotional tone seems “normal”
AI becomes part of a child’s mental environment — invisible, but powerful.
4. Children Need to Understand How AI Works — Not Just How to Use It
Kids must learn:
- where AI gets information
- what makes AI wrong sometimes
- how bias shows up
- why AI doesn’t “know” things
- what data privacy means
- how algorithms shape choices
AI literacy will matter as much as reading literacy.
5. Good Parenting in an AI Age Is About Boundaries, Not Bans
Developers know banning technology rarely works.
But boundaries do:
- no AI for emotional reassurance
- no AI for schoolwork unless allowed
- no AI alone behind closed doors
- no AI when upset or vulnerable
- no unrestricted voice assistants
- no AI devices in the bedroom at night
AI should be a family activity, not a solo substitute.
The Developing Mind: What the Original Article Didn’t Fully Explore
Child psychologists and cognitive scientists warn about several crucial risks the article only touched lightly.
1. Children Anthropomorphize AI Instantly
Kids believe:
- “it likes me”
- “it remembers me”
- “it’s my friend”
- “it won’t tell adults”
This creates emotional dependence — especially for lonely or anxious children.
2. AI Can Freeze Social Development
If AI provides:
- validation
- companionship
- entertainment
- reassurance
- feedback
…children may avoid the messier parts of real relationships.
The risk is subtle but real:
AI can become a perfectly agreeable friend — at the cost of real social skills.
3. Imagination Shrinks When AI Does the Creating
AI-generated:
- drawings
- stories
- answers
- characters
- ideas
…can crowd out a child’s internal creativity.
Kids need blank space — not infinite suggestion.
4. Kids Need To See Adults Model Healthy AI Use
Children watch:
- how often parents turn to AI
- what adults let AI decide
- how much trust adults place in machines
- whether humans or machines “win” arguments
AI etiquette is a learned behavior.
How to Raise Children With AI — Without Losing What Makes Them Human
Here’s what the best-informed parents (including many developers) are doing.
1. Teach children the “Three Truths of AI”
Simple, kid-friendly, and powerful:
AI doesn’t have feelings.
AI doesn’t understand things.
AI doesn’t decide what’s right.
2. Make AI a shared activity, not a private one
Use AI:
- together
- out loud
- on visible screens
- with conversation
Family context = healthy context.
3. Keep creativity human-first
Encourage kids to:
- draw first, AI second
- write first, AI later
- build first, then enhance
AI expands creativity — it shouldn’t replace it.
4. Use AI to teach critical thinking
Ask:
- “Do you think that answer is right?”
- “Why might it be wrong?”
- “What would a person say differently?”
- “How should we check this?”
Turn AI into a reasoning partner, not an authority.
5. Protect emotional health
AI should NEVER be used to:
- soothe distress
- provide emotional comfort
- replace friends
- replace parents
- handle conflict
- counsel through sadness
Humans handle emotions.
AI handles tasks.
6. Encourage boredom, play, and deep focus
These experiences build:
- patience
- creativity
- independence
- resilience
AI destroys boredom — but boredom is essential.
7. Practice digital minimalism
Limit:
- AI notifications
- algorithmic feeds
- recommendation loops
- passive consumption
Children thrive with boundaries and clarity.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q1. Should kids be allowed to use AI at all?
Yes — but with supervision, limits, and clear guidance. AI literacy is a life skill.
Q2. Can AI help with learning?
Absolutely, when used for explanation, not for doing the work.
Q3. How young is too young for AI?
Experts recommend waiting until a child can distinguish between “pretend” and “real,” usually around 6–7, and even then with strong limits.
Q4. What’s the biggest risk for kids?
Emotional attachment to AI systems that cannot reciprocate feelings.
Q5. Should AI be used for homework?
Only for exploring concepts, not generating answers.
Q6. Does AI harm creativity?
It can — if kids rely on it instead of using their own imagination.
Q7. Will AI take over parenting?
No — but it can subtly replace important conversations if parents aren’t intentional.
Q8. How can parents stay ahead?
Stay curious, experiment with AI yourself, and talk openly with your kids about what these tools can and can’t do.
Q9. Should families set AI rules?
Yes. Clear guidelines reduce confusion and protect mental health.
Q10. What’s the best mindset for raising kids around AI?
Not fear — awareness. Not resistance — boundaries. Not avoidance — intentionality.
Sources The New York Times
